The Beautiful Summit of Birth
As a third-time mama and total birth enthusiast, there was no question about having a home birth again. My first daughter was born at a birth center in Texas, and my second daughter was born at home in Rochester. Many are afraid of homebirth. I, on the other hand, am afraid of hospital birth because I know deep in my soul birth requires women to retreat to a place of peace. On such a primal level, I’ve always felt like I have to give birth in the space where I am most comfortable and surrounded by people who love me and know me. With this being my third pregnancy, I knew what to expect physically, and this pregnancy specifically was just so spiritual in such a sweet way. I really pressed into the spiritual beauty of carrying life in my womb, especially in the last month. I felt the LORD leading me to make it all an act of worship. Romans 12:1 says to “present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to the LORD,” and I was prepared to let birth be my utmost offering to Him.
The days leading up to June’s birth were mentally tough as I was used to labor beginning around 39 weeks, not 40 weeks. Finally at 40 weeks and 2 days, instead of waking up grumbling that I was still pregnant, I threw up my hands and surrendered–whatever you want God! I felt led to take a really long walk around our neighborhood. I waddled up and down the sidewalks for probably two hours before making my way back for my chiropractic appointment at noon. And it may have been the best chiropractic adjustment I had ever had. I walked out to my car knowing something had shifted in my body. On my way home, I started to feel tiny twinges of energy flowing through my lower abdomen. Around 2:00 pm, I called my midwife and my doula to let them know things were happening! I hopped in the shower and just maintained a restful state at home. My dad came by to pick up my two daughters, as I was confident labor was progressing. My contractions were quite close together, maybe two minutes apart, but they were only lasting 15-20 seconds. I crawled into bed with snacks to watch The Office, but at some point I just felt the need to shut off the TV, put on worship music, and truly embrace that labor was actually happening.
By 4:45pm, the contractions started spacing out to six minutes apart, but they became stronger and longer. Suddenly the waves (contractions) felt more effective. I started to imagine my body being picked up by each wave and lifting my feet completely off the ocean floor in full surrender to the beautiful ride. I had asked the Lord for a less intense labor this time around, and he was so gracious in giving me a much more gradual incline of intensity with this journey. Each wave was such a slow, steady build within my body. I found myself perched over my birth ball, my absolute favorite labor spot, just swaying and worshipping as the waves picked me up and placed me back down. My doula joined us around 6:30 pm, and I was so thankful to have her present with us. She took care of quietly preparing the bed, the birth pool, and supporting me when she felt necessary. This allowed my husband to solely focus on me, which was such a blessing. I felt my body relax once she arrived, and my mind shifted inward as the waves took me to a new level of surrender. I really needed to pee, but I could intuitively feel that once I emptied my bladder, things were going to ramp up. I finally got up from my beloved birth ball and moved to the bathroom where I had multiple strong waves back to back. My doula diligently observed my progress and called my midwife and my birth photographer to come when necessary. Another set of strong waves came simultaneously crashing through my body as I made my way into the birth pool.
My midwife quietly arrived at 8:30 pm, and she made her serene presence known by kneeling beside me and sweetly talking with me like we were old friends catching up. I had my head resting on the side of the birth pool, and I again felt my body sink deeper into surrender, knowing now that everyone was here, that baby could come. As my body began to enter transition, deep moans echoed from my mouth as I completely gave myself to the waves. I started to feel and sound “pushy.” I remember my midwife whispering something to my husband, readying him for “go-time.” Not only was my body reaching the highest peak of surrender, but I felt like I was reaching the utmost height of spiritual worship at that moment. Like I had been climbing a mountain, winding around the bends, slowly nearing the peak, and now I could see the summit. This last leg was so steep and so hard. I had to fight the dread that would arise between waves, knowing how strenuous it was to work with the powerful waves. I fought with worship. Though I was holding my husband and my doula’s hands during the rest periods, once a wave would come, I felt the need to let go of their hands and open my arms in full acceptance. Kneeling in the birth pool, positioned with my knees inward and toes outward for optimal pelvic opening, I remained focused as I pushed with the intense waves. I continued in this peaceful pattern for about 25 minutes. Eventually, my midwife moved to the backside of me and explained that if I reached down, I could feel my baby’s head! I could feel her head descend with each wave and then ascend again after each wave passed. At the moment it was so frustrating, but looking back, I am SO thankful for God’s design for a slow descent to facilitate stretching and promote postpartum healing. In between pushes, I remember a thought arose that I would never be able to do this again. I felt so sorrowful, not knowing how to tell my husband that I couldn’t have any more babies! This thought is comical to me now, as the passing thought instantly disappeared as soon as my daughter was born. Finally at 9:51 pm, her head came out, then her shoulders, then the rest of her body, and my midwife swiftly passed her through my legs in the water and up into my arms. It was another girl!
She took a while to take her first breath– we were rubbing her feet and stimulating her. Once I fully lifted her out of the water, she let out the loudest cry, as if to say “I’m here!” And if you knew my daughter June, you would know that is SO June. Full of life, just like her name. After a few minutes of her being on my chest, I felt my placenta detach on its own. We all made our way across our tiny apartment to the bathroom, where my midwife caught my placenta. My doula knew I was amazed by the biology of the placenta and offered for me to feel the cord while it was still pulsing! Following all June’s newborn checks, it was just me, and my husband, and my new baby girl nestled in bed together. It was the sweetest thing. How thankful I am for the intricate, beautiful design of birth. I view labor and birth as such a joyful, transformative privilege that I get to experience as a woman and mother.